Story of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish linebacker Manti Te’O (MAN-tie TAY-oh) fake girlfriend, Lennay Kekua (leh-NAY kay-KOO-ah), took over the American media like an undocumented immigrant taking over roofing jobs in Chicago. Of course, we don’t buy his explanation of a practical joke orchestrated by his “friend” Ronaiah Tuiasosopo (roan-EYE-ah Too-eee-ah-suh-SO-po).
Those pesky Hawaiians have their revenge for taking over Hawaii by the United States in 1893 and overthrowing Queen Liliʻuokalani, born Lydia Liliʻu Loloku Walania Wewehi Kamakaʻeha. Easy for you to pronounce it. Ha.
Obviously, Manti had high hopes for boosting his career with a sob leukemia story. The near future will show if NFL turns a blind eye on this dent in his resume.
Oh, screw waiting, yes, the guy will make ton of money and he will laugh all the way to his gold plated ATM in his new Lamborghini. There.
In case Manti Te’O needs to change his name to accelerate his career ever further, here’s the top 10 list of new names.
1. Wrongtie Yell’O
2. Lanai Spray’O
3. Manshy Hands’O
4. Taipei Pa’O
5. Gentile Tov’O
6. Meatpie Beat’O
7. Turdfly Lam’O
8. Moontie YoYo
9. Mantie Thong’O
10. Bowtie Telltal’e
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